Cinema Swapshop: Ghosts

Ash Walker • 06 Nov 2024 Features

Our writers exchange films about things that go bump in the night.

Welcome to Cinema Swapshop, where every month our esteemed writers assign each other a movie to watch - preferably something they haven’t seen before - then regroup to share their thoughts.

This month, in celebration of Halloween and all things spooky, the theme is Ghosts. Or, more specifically, haunted houses.

Ash: A Haunted House (2013)

Credit: A Haunted House Official Trailer #1 (Rotten Tomatoes Trailers, YouTube)

Plot

When a couple move in together, they soon discover that there are more sinister things to worry about than the usual relationship hurdles. Namely, a mischievous (and horny) ghost.

Thoughts

I love a spoof. Airplane and The Naked Gun are two of my all-time favourites, and I grew up watching Wayans Brothers parodies like Scary Movie and Don’t Be a Menace.

But then in the 2000s, the genre got a bit lazy and, crucially, not very funny. The jokes stopped being clever and turned into “Remember that bit from that movie that came out a month ago? Well here it is again!” 

I was worried this would be more of the same - and it is a bit - but you know what? I actually kinda enjoyed it.

Like those earlier Wayans films it’s definitely got some goofy charm - mostly from the two leads, Marlon Wayans and Essence Atkins - and the relationship comedy was surprisingly well-observed and pretty funny.

In fact, A Haunted House is at its best when it’s not trying to be a Paranormal Activity spoof. It’s almost a shame that there’s a ghost in this movie. Although I have to give a shout-out to some actually pretty impressive special effects in the smoking sequence.

Best Bit

The first time David Koechner’s Dan the Security Man visits the home. He’s an injection of weird energy and the whole sequence by the pool - “Can I say it?” - is genuinely hilarious.

Worst Bit

There are a few choice moments, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt more uncomfortable than I did watching Marlon Wayans hump a stuffed dog. It felt like that scene lasted at least two hours.

Favourite Line

“There are Super Bowl commercials that last longer than you, Malcolm!”

Fun Fact

Nick Swardson was nominated for Worst Supporting Actor at the Razzies for his role as Chip the Psychic. Harsh? Definitely. Deserved? I mean…

Verdict

Definitely not as good as the movies it’s parodying, but this was actually a lot better than I expected it to be!

Johnnie: Poltergeist (1982)

Credit: Poltergeist | 4K UHD Trailer (Warner Bros. Entertainment, YouTube)

Plot

A family’s house becomes possessed and steals the daughter. The parents then do everything to try to save her.

Thoughts

Now I’m not one for horrors. I don’t like them. So when we said we’d do spooky films this Cinema Swapshop, I was not looking forward to it.

Thankfully, Ash went light on me and chose a classic, and I will say, I thoroughly enjoyed it! If all horrors were made like this one I’d have no problem!

It was entertaining to me. Horrors these days seem to be how many jumpscares they can fit in, but this felt purely about the story of a family surviving these paranormal beings and retrieving their daughter from the entities in her closet that stole her.

There were some scenes that I could’ve done without - the man horrifyingly peeling his own face off was rather graphic, and the clown puppet was most unenjoyable for me (I don’t like clowns or puppets).

But as a whole, I quite enjoyed it! Also, Brooklyn Nine-Nine Hitchcock sighting in the opening scene makes it a 10/10 film.

Best Bit

When the dad first gets home and the mum is playing with the weird gravity in the kitchen when the ghosts first arrive. That’s fully how I’d act in that situation.

Worst Bit

I actually wouldn’t say there were any worst or even really bad bits, but I did find the tree attempting to devour their son rather comical.

Favourite Line

Not so much one line but my favourite exchange of the film:

Tangina: Help me tie this around my waist.

Diane Freeling: What do you think you're doing?

Tangina: I'm going in after her.

Diane Freeling: She won't come to you. Let me go.

Tangina: You've never done this before.

Diane Freeling: Neither have you.

[pause]

Tangina: You're right. You go.

Fun Fact

The skeletons in the murky pool pit that Diane falls into towards the end of the film are supposedly real human ones. JoBeth Williams, who plays Diane, was not made aware of this fact until after she finished shooting the scene.

Verdict

I’m glad Ash was kind and gave me this film as I genuinely enjoyed it! I’m proud to say I have watched a true horror classic, even if it isn’t among the scariest.